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At what point do we call genocide what it is? At what point do we stop using semantics like “choice” and look in the mirror and ask ourselves if eradicating a generation of our young is really the answer to anything?
Also – at what point do we ask those who are hardline pro-lifers, are you ready to provide real support for women? Services for students who give birth, comprehensive heath care and adoption services, and dead beat dad laws with some real teeth. At that point, we can stop pretending that abortion is only a women’s issue and start to erase this disgusting, dehumanizing idea.
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What are you supposed to do when you’ve been married for just over a year and your primary role models dissolve into anger and bickering after 36 years of marriage and three kids?
Are we all so unassailable? I wouldn’t have gotten married if I thought it was temporary. Obviously. I believe – strongly, so strongly believe – that I am with the person who will be my guiding light for the rest of my life. God I am lucky.
And yet didn’t my parents speak the same words, pledge the same vows? I suppose they did. And for what. My dad seems to be “losing his fastball,” as they say, and my mom…is as vindictive and angry as ever. Comments suggest a number of possibilities about her past, about her various complexes, but all I know is the angry, bitter woman I came to know lo these past years.
I keep hearing about how divorce at this age isn’t supposed to affect me; I’m an adult and long past those stereotypical feelings of blaming myself. But I don’t blame myself at all. Instead I sit and ponder my Dad in an empty apartment eating Ramen noodles and Celeste pizzas (because he never learned how to cook) and my Mom sitting in an empty house watching her TV, wishing she had the couch she ceded to her former love of her life, because she never learned to talk to anyone about what she’s really feeling.
Neither one ever really learned to talk to anyone. When I walked into my parents’ house (old house) on Sunday, a part of me seriously thought I’d find my Dad dead. Of suicide, heart disease, heartache, something. I don’t know these people alive in this context.
I don’t know when I ever will.
Pretty soon it’ll be the sounds of silence here in the Self household. Or at least, only the sounds of music on the Ipod.
You see, we’re getting rid of our cable. I’m taking the box back to Time Warner on Monday morning, and we’re officially off the TV grid. This started out as Elisa’s idea, and I was very skeptical at first. What about when you’re sick, don’t just want to vedge on the couch and watch mindless TV? What about for watching sports. But the more I thought about it – and the more I thought how easy it is to kill a few hours watching whatever – the more I came around to it. We can still watch movies (we’re getting rid of the cable, not the actual television) on those nastiest of days. If a game is that important, I can make it a social occasion and go watch it with my brothers at their place or in a local bar. If it isn’t that important…did I really need to watch it?
I’ll be interested to see this works. Just got my first library card since I was…probably about 8, in anticipation of getting a ton of reading done. Hoping to step up my workouts, too. And to stop ignoring my poor, deserted blog.
I once heard someone say that if TV was gone, half of married couples would be divorced in a year. That’s pretty sad to think about; hopefully Elisa and I can use this newfound quality time better than annoying each other.
And if I’ve turned the cable back on in 2 months, I promise you can all say I told you so.
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So, people have been asking me about my blog lately, about the lack of new posts. Which is at one time breathlessly exhilarating (people are waiting for my thoughts on everyday bullshit?) and anxiety-inducing (must write…something. People are reading).
I assume everyone starts their blog after some life altering event that gives them that feeling of “I have so much to say about my life right now, I simply must write this down.” I know that was it for me…new place to live, new career, settling into married life. However, now that I’m settled into this new life…now what? New life is going well…plugging right along. Anyone want to read about that?
So it’s 2009, month 9 (almost). The decade is nearly over, assuming you define it as 00-09. Time to look back at the best moments, and, music geek that I am, I’ll start with that. The following is my best look at my top 20 records oft he decade. A few rules:
-Timelessness matters. If I think the record will still sound fresh and lively in 20 years, it gets a boost.
-Context matters. If the record had particular meaning to my life, got me through a tough time (or was the soundtrack to a really great time) then it gets a bump.
On to the list:
1. Wilco – Yankee Hotel Foxtrot
2. Arcade Fire – Neon Bible
3. The National – Boxer
4. MIA – Kala
5. Radiohead – Kid A
6. The Thermals – Fuckin’ A
7. Rogue Wave – Descended Like Vultures
8. The New Pornographers – Electric Version
9. My Chemical Romance – The Black Parade
10. Sleater Kinney – The Woods
11. The Fiery Furnaces – Blueberry Boat
12. Wilco – A Ghost is Born
13. Band of Horses – Cease to Begin
14. Camera Obscura – Let’s Get Out of this Country
15. Amy Winehouse – Back to Black
16. Mark Lanegan and Isobel Campbell – Ballad of the Broken Seas
17. The Format – Dog Problems
18. Fleet Foxes – s/t
19. The Hold Steady – Stay Positive
20. Black Mountain – In the Future
Discuss.
I don’t know how men who move to new towns make friends. Especially when they are past the stage of living in group houses and hanging out in bars.
I’m not difficult…just like beer and football. And don’t be a douchebag.
My friend network in DC was/is pretty damn amazing. Pretty much whatever I was doing, I knew who I could call and they’d likely be in. Down here in Charlotte, I know my brothers, one dude who drinks great beer, and a couple other dudes who I know but don’t really know. It’s only been a couple months, but still. I need some dudes. Please don’t isolate that quote.
This is something I need. The wife is more than happy to live a life speaking to no one else but our cat and (soon) dog, but I need my little network of friends. It’s revitalizing. But I don’t know where the hell to start.
Camera Obscura – My Maudlin Career
I wish this band would stop being perfect in everything they do. Wait, no I don’t. I have this fear that this band won’t be truly appreciated until long after they’re gone, when some music geek discovers the CDs in an antiques store and starts spreading the gospel.
I am constantly amazed/appalled/impressed at people who have an unyielding faith in some sort of creator. A local junior minister here recently suffered a terrible accident. Well, HE didn’t per se…his less than a year-old daughter fell off a loft landing and fell on her head. Cracked her skull, bleeding on the brain, and plenty of other maladies that I don’t understand or remember. She may or may not make it. It’s one of those moments that makes me wonder how anyone ever has kids…I have a cat and I’d flip my shit if anything ever happened to her. I would lose it. And this is a small furry animal that I’ve known for two years and that still slaps me in the butt if I walk by and pet her and she’s not pleased. How does anyone make a new person and then send them off into the world? Is it at all like getting married, where you open yourself so completely to someone that you can’t help but sweat every second they are 5 minutes late?
And faith in the other person is one thing. How do you reconcile an already shaky believe in a higher power that doesn’t seem to give a shake about us with certain tragedies? It’s all well and good to say “God tests those who can take it,” when it’s a dispassionate scholarly debate, it’s another entirely when you devote your life to someone who, under your belief system, just let your world fall apart.
I will say this whole incident has reminded me that no matter what you believe, church can have value because of the community it creates. My wife and I sat in a local ice cream shop tonight, looking at the Manager’s Specials board that listed no deals, only news and prayers for this poor child. Years ago, when my wife’s mother passed far too young, it was the local church that embraced the remaining family. Religion in this day and age has certain challenges and anachronisms, no doubt, but it cannot be topped for motivating hundreds of people to step out of their own little clouds and care about somebody else.
This is one of those blog entries that fizzles out, because what else can I say that far more eloquent people haven’t said or thought? Be well, Libby Claire. You have made so many people rethink what is important to them. Whether or not someone is up there watching over you or I, it’s a strange, paradoxical world that you – God willing – will grow into.
I am increasingly trying to learn to release myself from desire. For things, whether new clothes, CDs, increasingly rare and pricy beers, all of it. Part of this is out of necessity – Elisa and I are both making much less money than we were before, even with our bills having decreased. Plus we want to save for a house.
But part of it is realizing in general that an upward spiral of always getting the hot new CD, or game, or whatever is never going to work, and I’ll never appreciate what I already own. I’ve been trying to listen to records I already own, and I’m amazed how many I had opened, ripped and filed – but never really played or appreciated. I have several video games I haven’t even played yet, but I add more to my want list. Same with reading the books I already collected. I’m trying to change it from a collection to an actual library, where the books get, you know, read.
I am reminded of how much I used to engage in a sort of retail therapy, going clothes shopping (or CD shopping, or hanging at the bookstore, or browsing Amazon) in response to any stimuli -boredom, stress, whatever. Couldn’t spend the money fast enough. As a result, not only did I blow through any excess cash, but I also found myself complaining that I never had time to do the things I wanted to do. I had 500 CDs (and 100 more still sealed) and yet I never had time to play them. Same problem with my 200 DVDs, or hundreds of books. When we moved, I ended up unloading a ton of all of the above – for a fraction of what I originally paid. Stupid, stupid.
A lot of this seems obvious, but it’s not a way I lived for a long time. I still find myself wishing for this and that, but I’m getting better at controlling it. And it turns out I already have some pretty outstanding books and music.
Last night the brewery opened up for its traditional Friday night of beer and live music. The bratwurst guy was there offering up food, tables were set up inside and out, and the mood was festive. Apparently the crowd was not as overwhelming as previous Fridays, but we were full and steady right up until close at 10. Can’t ask for much more than that.
Perhaps more importantly, the crowd was my kind of people. Let’s face it, you need to be committed to local business and doing your own thing to go find a microbrewery that’s located in an industrial park and not even bottling yet. That’s what made the night so special – in your average bar or restaurant, some are there to live it up, some are just there for sustenance, and some are just plain miserable. Everyone last night was clearly there – and bringing friends! – because they believed they’d found a true hidden gem in Charlotte, and they made the choice to go out of their way for a quality product made by their neighbors. It really was an awesome vibe. Pretty much everyone, as they left, told me some variation of “Good luck,” or “we love what you’re doing here, great beer!” Their was commerce going down, but this was also a legit community.
It made me realize that, whether this place makes it or not, I need to stay out of chain restaurants and bars. Just a homogeneous, soulless atmosphere. No, the Mom and Pop joint down the street may not have the exact dish you’ve eaten and loved a million times before, but they do have an owner you can talk to – not a franchisee – and the interest and power to make changes. That customer-owner relationship, when done right, creates an experience where you can feel the good vibes when you walk in. I was lucky to have it, and help create it, at the Taqueria in Arlington. It looks like I’ve been fortunate once again. I’m going to keep preaching the gospel of this product to anyone who will listen, bringing friends up to try it, and working my ass off to keep this little machine humming.
